I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize