i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Shame is for Republicans.
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