Are we in a gay sports bar?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
