I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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