Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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