I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
