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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
