I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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