I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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