I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
