if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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