I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
