Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
