Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
