i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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