the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
