We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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