just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
