Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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