dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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