i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize