There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
