i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
