I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
