We won't sleep together?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
