dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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