What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
