its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
