Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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