saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
