I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
organizing the empties. That sober.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
