Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
