Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
