Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize