Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
