Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
