he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
