That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
