i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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