It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
