Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
