All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
