I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
