it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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