Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
