i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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