omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
