please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
