Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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