So drunk its hurt
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
