everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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