Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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