what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
its not stalking. its research.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
