Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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