Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
