if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Randomize
