this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
