So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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