Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm gonna fight the coyote
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
