i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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