Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
