I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
