The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we made out on top of his cat.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
