If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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