Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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