She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
