i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
