you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize