addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
