and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
