Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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