He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
