So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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