Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
