i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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